Like Giblets On a Turkey
by Pink Pandoracorn
Summary: Gaige and Mister Torgue do an ECHOcast. Fluffy nonsense. (How is Mister Torgue not in the character list?)


**AN: I own none of the characters, etc. So Gaige/Torgue is my crack!OTP. After a couple of oneshots that I'm not quite happy with, I wrote this. Fluffy nonsense, in the form of an ECHOcast.**

* * *

Okay, so you've all seen Mister Torgue, right? You're familiar with the man? He's, like, over a foot taller than me-

_A FOOT AND A THIRD!_

-a foot and a third, thank you for pointing that out again- and my waist is just about as big around as his arm. This means that sometimes we have to get creative about sex because missionary isn't really practical, at this point, but usually it just means that I'm on top. Which is fine. Better depth or whatever, anyway.

_AND I GET TO PLAY WITH YOUR (bleep)!_

And... And that. Thank you. Will you just let me do this? Anyway, a lot of you listeners have heard rumors that we've been, uh...

_(bleep)ING IN THE (bleep), YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!_

Seriously, right now? Seriously? Sorry. He's not even in the same room with me, he's just got ears like Talon and he's, like... Loud. Anyway. So, yes. We have. A lot. Like... yeeeeeeah. A lot.

…

RIGHT. Sorry. And you've been asking about it, what it's like with the very famous Mister Torgue Flexington, so I-

_WE!_

We. Yeah. So we decided to do this. About... You know. Us. Us... Are we... Are we us? I thought we were just sort of banging and...

…

Right. So I have to be on top or whatever, which is fine, and he's actually, like... He's cuddly. Really cuddly. So afterward, he gets me all cuddled up on top of him, which is awesome because there's a lot to cuddle, but then he does, um...

_MEEDLY MEEDLY MOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!_

That. Right. He does that. Every. Single. TIME. I have invested in earplugs. Seriously. Dahl makes earplugs, and I've got stock in them or whatever. Like, I have to remember to take them out when I leave the space-truck. Which doesn't actually look anything like a truck, by the way. And he's got this real disco vibe going on in here, with beaded curtains and shag carpeting- which makes me sneeze, by the way, if I get too close to it. Do you think we could get rid of it?

_JUST TAKE IT OUT?_

Yeah. Like the tile that's in the front or even just, you know, carpet that's not shag carpet is fine. And not exploding carpet- I swear to god, Mister Torgue, if you put exploding carpet in here...

_ONLY ONE KIND OF EXPLOSION HAPPENS BACK THERE!_

Yeah! Best explosion EVER! Wink!

…

Wait, I... Sorry. Where was I? I don't even remember. But some of you have asked how we even met. Funny story, there was another vault in the-

_BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE!_

Yeah. That one. So we went, and then we were drugged and shit, and then Moxxi turned up- love you Moxxi- and then I think he was coming to Moxxi's Badass Bar of Tits and Explosions or whatever because he wanted to screw someone else, but then I was there, and I asked him to show me his truck because I was just SUCH a huge fan... I sort of... Well, there was my mouth and certain parts of his anatomy, and I think he hit the intercom because I sure heard about it later. But then he got bought out of the Torgue Corporation or whatever, and we started hanging out a lot, and he insisted on giving me a mustache ride. I had no idea what it was, of course, and Lilith was SUPER unhelpful, but then I found out...

_AND YOU MET MY GRANDMA!_

I did! I did meet your grandma. Not at the same time. Yeah. She's awesome, she really is. She likes to talk, like REALLY likes to talk... I think that's one of the reasons Mister Torgue is as loud as he is, to be honest, so that he could get a word in edgewise. And she's awesome. But she really helped me see him as less than, like, the heroic idol guy I'd learned about in school and more of an actual guy.

_MY GRANDMA IS (bleep)ING BADASS!_

Yeah she is! Did you guys know she gummed a guy to death once? It took several hours. Anyway. And then we had accidental sex. I thought that was just a thing that people said happened when they wanted to make excuses or whatever, but we had no-shit accidental sex. That was good. Yeah... That was...

…

Yeah. And now we're... Uh... Well, he stores his pants at my place so he doesn't blow them up. And we make things together in the back of the space-truck. And, um... We're...

_TOGETHER, LIKE GIBLETS ON A TURKEY!_

Are we? I mean, I know I sleep here most of the time and actually... spend most of my time here, but I thought we were just, you know. Random sex or whatever.

_YOU'RE MY TINY BADASS!_

Aww! That's just... Aww! Come here, I want a hug!

…

Best hugs ever, you guys, really. And... Ooh! That's... Mm. Uh, let me...

…

Yeeeah... Let me turn off the-


End file.
